Forgiveness

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seven times seven."  (The Gospel of Matthew 18:21-22)

Grace:
Accustomed to the “three strikes and you’re out” rule, most of us imagine forgiveness in conditional terms.  How can an Amish community, grieving the savage killing of five innocent children, forgive the perpetrator and then offer support to the shooter’s family?[1] How can a Holocaust survivor live with memories of a Nazi officer leading his parents and siblings to death in a gas chamber?[2]  How does a doctor in Gaza forgive the soldiers in tanks who decimated his home and claimed the lives of three of his five children?[3]  How can any of us forgive those who intentionally inflict harm and justify evil deeds with talk of righteousness? I think forgiving “seven times seven” calls us not to deny evil, but repeatedly to face darkness with light. Doing so requires deep faith and real courage." Yet I believe that in going through the painful and anguished process of forgiving others, we ourselves are transformed.

Yasmina:

Grace, I know this is not a mere coincidence. I attended a youth discussion this morning with my children at their first day of Sunday School and the topic happened to be forgiveness. I wish I could share in this forum the hour’s worth of sharp arguments and conversations. It was clear that forgiveness is complex, and part of the noble behavior that a Muslim strives to attain. The Quran and the Sunnah offer depictions of the virtues underlying it: determination, grace, patience, self-control and a strong desire to “do good.” Forgiveness is also described as having tangible, positive consequences; some are enjoyed in this world, such as turning adversaries into friends, and others are granted in the hereafter. Reflecting on the power of forgiveness is inspiring, and knowing that the All-Forgiving is willing to forgive us over and over again is deeply humbling. One of my favorite reminders of this is the verse, “…and let them pardon and overlook, would you not like that God should forgive you?” (al-Nur 24:22)

Tziporah:

Grace, this is also a timely topic for me, since Jews are currently in the period of what we call the Yamim Noraim, Days of Awe, a time for repentance and forgiveness.  The text from Matthew and your reflection made me think of Maimonides, who cautions: “It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and refuse to be appeased. Rather, he should be easily pacified, but hard to anger. When the person who wronged him asks for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a complete heart and a willing spirit. Even if he aggravated and wronged him severely, he should not seek revenge or bear a grudge.”[4]  Maimonides’ code is sensitive to the realities of interpersonal relations: it can be quite difficult to forgive another who has hurt you deeply, and some actions seem entirely unforgiveable. At the same time, refusing to forgive another is inevitably more hurtful to the person who bears the grudge.  I am also reminded of Pharaoh’s hardened heart and the terrible pain he ultimately endures because of his own cruelty.

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[1] Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy, Donald Kraybill, et al.

[2] See the memoir of Holocaust survivor Benjamin Hirsch and Elie Wiesel’s The Fifth Son.

[3] I Shall Not Hate: A Gaza Doctor's Journey on the Road to Peace and Human Dignity, by Izzeldin Abuelaish.

[4] Mishneh Torah, Laws of Repentance 2, 10. There is an excellent online resource of Maimonides’ works in English translation at Chabad’s website.

God Willing

Grace (in an e-mail to Tziporah and Yasmina):

Christians can sometimes get very angry with one another when they express their opposing social and political viewpoints as "God's will." Yasmina, I know the phrase "God willing" is powerfully important in Islam, an ever present reminder of submission. I’m wondering if each of you would be interested in talking about how you and your faith tradition approach the question of "God's will," or is that even a concept that you deal with in those terms?

Tziporah:

The idea that God is the Ruler of the Universe and controls our fate is a centerpiece of Judaism. Philosophers throughout the ages have addressed the tension between human beings’ free will—our ability to make choices and the consequences of our actions—and God’s ultimate control of each person’s destiny.  Jewish grandmothers, meanwhile, have instructed entire generations of Jews to ward off the evil eye and recognize God’s protection of our good fortune.  Yiddish, Hebrew and English all include idioms that express this central idea.  My Ashkenazi (Eastern European) forbears would always say “God willing” when speaking of an event that would take place in the future, and in their Polish accents it would sound like “Got vill ink.” Many Jews include the acronym for the Hebrew phrase “b’ezrat ha-shem” (with God’s help) on wedding invitations, indicating that we do not take for granted that our plans will come to fruition without divine intervention. Finally, the Hebrew phrase “im yirtzeh ha-shem” (if God wills it) is recited by religious Jews whenever they speak of their hopes, goals or plans.  This is both an expression of faith in God’s providence and of humble acceptance of God’s judgment.

Grace:

I love how your take on this subject is both humorous and serious, Tziporah!  And I believe that the habitual use of the phrase “God willing” makes a powerful theological statement. Where the catch comes for me is having clarity on what God’s will is.  Did not the Crusades, the Holocaust, slavery, and the 9/11 attack all come about because of individuals' claims to be following God’s will?  I suspect that if we were to examine ourselves carefully, we would find that we are far more bent on justifying our own beliefs with the stamp of “God’s will” or approval than we are willing to engage in a deep and painful search that will probably lead to our own reshaping.  I suspect that seeking, not just claiming, God’s will is likely to disturb and unsettle us rather than allow us to rest comfortably in the beliefs we already hold.  

Tziporah:

In light of this week’s murder of Sikh priests in their Temple, I’d like to add a serious response to your question about discerning “God’s will.” In Jewish tradition, only the Prophets are privy to God’s will and the period of prophecy was determined to be finished with the canonization of the Hebrew bible.  Nevertheless, people claiming to know God’s will—false prophets—seem to arise in every generation. My favorite definition of false prophets is “those who twist God's word to fit their own fancies…who aim at nothing but their hearers' applause.”(Micah 3:5-7) In my humble opinion, those who believe in God the Creator who is eternally righteous and loves all creatures cannot simultaneously believe that God’s will is for them to destroy God’s creation or murder God’s creatures.  When we pray for God’s protection and benevolence, we use the phrase “May it be God’s will,” because we know that we cannot really change God’s will to suit our own desires. We also pray for the righteous to flourish and the wicked to perish by God’s will and not (God forbid!) by our words or deeds.

Yasmina is on vacation this week.